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About the Author: Joy Packard


  1. I stopped drinking three weeks ago after twenty years and people don’t understand why I’m still fucked up.

    1. Whoa.. I very much would like to know how you dealt with that. I wouldn’t put this in a public international forum unless I were dead serious cuz this will be fatal if I don’t quit soon.

      God Bless You and everyone who has been able to kick the saucy habit!

    2. ​@LAW DAWG I’ve been to a crazy amount of rehabs for detox in the last year. Best advice i can give you is to go through medicated detox for atleast a week. Your body will trick your brain to make you want to get out, because deep down you just want to get something to drink. AA only helps a tiny percentage of people. Actually worse for me, hearing endless stories of people getting drunk and having fun, as apart of their life story of hitting bottom and bouning back.. that makes me.want to drink. What helped me.was 7 day medicated detox and then taking gabapentin daily. No anxiety and sleepy most of the day. Never wanted to drink and after a month or so then you take thated only when you need it for sleep or anxiety.. drinking will kill you. Especially if you try and stop on your own. I’ve had a couple seizures and its really bad. I still don’t feel 100% normal.

  2. I remember my father was a raging alcoholic. When my step mom hid all his bodels from him. Once the DT’s started, we got him into the car to take him to the hospital. I can still remember how he was growling and barking like a dog ! He was completely out of his mind! Alcohol is deadly and horrible 😫 RIP Dad.

    1. @PingPongPaddleHead I mean I don’t know about that. It’s definitely a horrible drug, but I’d take alcoholics over methheads any day.

    2. I worked in rehab Alcohol is by far the worst, we caught a guy hanging out a window, his reply there are these guys with huge legs that go invisible in the sunlight they were taking me to the shop for beers.

    3. That remind me of my dad irish vodaka drinking just went blank dreaming during the day juat blank face then snaps out love you dad rip ❤️

  3. As a former alcoholic who drank all day, every day for the last 3 years of my 10 year binge, I can fully attest to this. I had nothing but complete blackouts for years on end but I would have dreams when awake at times. So glad I’ve been clean for a decade now.

    1. 10year binge??
      I consume too frequently sometimes and if i withdraw after a week ( my last binge was 50% and one before those bottles was homeade moonshine probly around 65% if im being honest. The tails can add flavor and smoothness)
      Sh1t ive woken up from convulsions, tremors, in a constant pool of sweat, and the dreams after alcohol withdrawal?.. are nuts and surreal .

    2. Yeah, i like a quick fast hit of strong alky. Or bud lol.
      I remember being in middle school thinking alcohol hits quick like ud.

    1. It’s weird but as a stoner i wouldn’t be high all day even if i could (my job prevents it). i enjoy it more because i experience the sober side of life. but to each his/her own.

    2. I smoked for like 4 years straight and stopped cold turkey. I had the most vivid and almost spiritual dreams I’ve ever had in the coming weeks… they felt more real than real and it was really freaking cool that I looked forward to sleeping every night

    3. @SpaceMan yea I smoke pre heavy and one thing I noticed when I take periods of months off (for work, studies or sports) is how vivid dreams are. I use medical for my sleep insomnia so It’s sad I miss out. Random nights I do get very vivid dreams but it’s uncommon

    4. ​@SpaceMan bro, i smoke daily. Started beginning of last year. I experience those same type of dreams if i smoke before bed. Like living another life, except without all the mistakes.

    5. Been smoking daily since 2015….ya I hardly dream while smoking. Crazy ones right when I get off tho

    1. Good job bro! It’s gunna change your life, you might find yourself with strange thoughts but those are what you were hiding from with substance. Work them out however you can. I go to therapy once a week still after 5 years to stay balanced. You got this in the bag!! Prouda you!

  4. I drank a gallon of vodka every day Monday-Sunday for over 6 months in my early 20’s. Once I finally decided to quit it was like breaking a fever as well as hallucinating. It was truly terrible. I always heard once an addict always an addict but I disagree. I don’t suffer cravings anymore like I used to. I’m 8 years sober. The hardest part was the first year after that I find that I rarely want to drink anymore.

    1. Probably comes from if you decide to have a drink,because you no longer “have a problem”, you’ll find yourself on a slippery slope. Too many have slipped. Congrats on sobriety- keep it up!!

    2. I think what they mean is, if you pick up a drink again, you’ll go right back to active alcoholism.

  5. You don’t hit rem sleep. I don’t dream either. But when I quit for a week, I have the most vivid dreams. It’s bonkers😂

  6. I have a really bad issue with substance abuse, and I know this. I joined the army at 18 and became really dependent on it until i left 8 years later, I’m not going to lie. Once I left, I chose to smoke weed instead of drink, and it’s an issue to me because I do it literally 24/7. Wake up at 6 am, high until 9 pm at bed. Wake up every e or 4 hours to get high in the night because idk why. So, really, I’m not sober at all. SO, in reality, I feel better high all day long than when I do drinking 2 hours to 4 hours a day. I’ve really noticed it lately, and I’ve accepted it and know I need help.

    1. if you feel better it’s absolutely necessary. however if sobriety is what you know you need, you must get it. i can relate in the way that i seek a 24/7 high, and ive been trying to lower it. Its been working slowly, to wake up but refrain from smoking until i eat. slowly this has become easier to put off my first high until noon, but im aiming towards a point where i can smoke only before bed or before dinner.

    2. addiction to weed is no joke though, its insanely hard to stop thinking about it when you’re sober. godspeed in your journey brother

    3. Weed is really healthy, id say if ur smoking juat drink a shot of apple cider vinegar to balance the salt from the smoke and eat chlorella go in the steam room. Your lungs will be healthy af off weed cuz the body can cleanse it well

    4. Caleb, the fact that you are aware of your situation is huge. Your issue is not necessarily with substances. You may have an addictive personality that could be genetic, from trauma, from chemical imbalance or any number of things that you had no control over. Plant this little seed in your head: “I wonder why I want to disconnect so much?” Don’t dwell on it, don’t beat yourself up, just let it sit and walk away. But check in with that little seed once in a while and see if it has any sprouts of insight. Add any thoughts you may have on the subject since your last visit, then walk away. It’s like software working in the background. Answers may come in little “aha” moments or even dreams, because that’s one way our minds communicate with us. Give it time, it’s a process. Your mind can be a great partner in helping you get your power back. This technique is especially useful for people who are already self-aware, which you are. In the mean time, weed is one of the least harmful substances to lean on at this time of your life. And it is just a time of your life, not your forever, so cut yourself some slack. You’ll figure it out 💖

  7. My friends dad was one of the worst alcoholics I’ve ever seen. His dad would walk around his apartment complex having full conversations with no one.

    1. Yup. That was me. Insomniac alcholic.
      No sleep for 5 days on a bender had me walking around screaming at people that weren’t there.
      Snapped out of it when someone came up to me and explained what I was doing.
      Did sleep that night…for about 48 hours.

  8. I got through DT and it’s no joke. It can even be fatal for people. Luckily I never got any siezures, but the waking-dream state is real and it’s like intense sleep deprivation of more than 48 hours.

    On the otherhand, I had some of the most intense, lucid dreams of my life during my boozing days.

  9. I was an alcoholic for 20 years and I can tell you that this does happen. There’s also a condition called “dry drunk” where a person exhibits all the worst behaviors of an alcoholic despite not being under the influence.
    I’m almost 6 years sober and I still have problems with my psychology because of all the damage the blackouts caused. I have no friends anymore and most family avoids me because of how I was.
    Don’t waste your life like me.

    1. Hey man you still got life left just knowing that you quit alcohol says a lot about you don’t give up on the people you love

    2. You quit the alcohol controlled life, and you took back that control. You’ll have a better life now that you’re in control, don’t quit on them the same way you didn’t quit on yourself.

    3. You quit alcohol man, dont quit on yourself and making your life better. Learn from mistakes and youll be a better person having gone through that and coming out of it.

    4. I tend to look at the positive side of these sorts of wastages of my life. You got the experience, you grew, and you became a stronger person. What would you be now, if you hadn’t gone through that? At least in some ways, you’d be less. Just your ability to be completely honest to yourself and the world, and not feel bad about it, means you really grew quite a lot past the average person, who’s self-worth (the most core essential thing we have to uphold), partially depends on whether their past failures and weaknesses are known to the world or not; yours doesn’t, because you have healthy things to base yours on, from a well developed and balanced perspective.

  10. I started smoking at 12 and then last summer I stopped because anxiety it ended up only lasting a few months, I remember the dreams being so vivid like being trapped in a zoo with animals running wild. Or another dream when me and my friend walked in a town for hours talking, I woke up and felt tripped out because I thought it was real.

  11. I usually eat dinner around 5-6 pm after that settles I take an edible… around 8-9 I’m good and ready to fall asleep pretty much anywhere!!

  12. Luckily never had DTs going through withdrawals, but I did develop pretty bad insomnia. Sometimes it’s great to be able to pull all-nighters and not feel anything, and sometimes it sucks. Your body is telling you yes to sleep, but your mind is telling you no.

  13. Had to cut ties with a long time buddy because this is where he’s headed. We were two peas in a pod. And the alcohol became more important. We lost so many friends to overdoses and I just couldn’t sit there and watch. We tried everything under the sun; treatments, me living with him etc. had to block him because he would conjure up these ridiculous stories and get violent. I know he’s alive, but dreading the day his family says he’s gone. That’s what keeps me up at night, weed helps tremendously. Heart hurts

    1. Same. Waking up in a puddle pf sweat, remembering every single detail about those vivid fucking dreams.

    2. Same here. If I stop for 2 or 3 days I start having the most INSANE dreams that feel so real. I remember the entire thing as soon as I wake up. Usually I don’t remember any of my dreams.

    3. Yeah I used to smoke all day and never had any dreams. When I quit smoking I had crazy dreams

  14. I’ve had this while being awake for more than a week. It was terrifying and beautiful at the same time.

    I saw like these lines of light where people had been. In houses, on the streets. Like lines of consciousness. I could tell were people were and normally would be. Like I’d see where a dog usually would sit in a car.

    The most terrifying thing about being awake for this long is that I couldn’t go to sleep at all. Only after I really exhausted myself I went to sleep. Slept for 4 days straight, still felt weak. But the waking dreams had vanished. After that I took sleep way more seriously.

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